What should I do if I feel I don’t fit into society?
If I feel like I don’t fit in, I think I should stop trying; it’s a simple solution that comes to mind, but why? That’s because I don’t have to imagine myself in places, people and scenarios that aren’t my size. Celebrating my personality, my hobbies and strengthening my self-esteem every day should be my main goals.
Many of us spend a lot of our valuable energy trying to fit into society, please others, be members of groups, and sometimes even give up our own identity in order to feel a sense of belonging. In most of these circumstances, we often overlook a vital part of being “special.”
However, one thing is obvious to all of us: some people live in isolation due to the severity of stigma. Because we are human, we are social beings, very often we feel that we have to do much more than just interact with others. We also want to feel part of something, part of someone; we want a basic sense of belonging, stability and those roots from which we can continue to grow in our personal project.
So, although we are sometimes told that it is important to strengthen our personality, to empower the “magic” of difference, in reality it is just a matter of learning to balance the scales. We all suffer from an uncomfortable duality between “Who we are and what we have to Show the world in order to be accepted.”
Accept your flaws and be proud of them, after all, no one is perfect, and if someone really wants to be with you, he will accept them too.
Therefore, well-being should begin by making sure that you do not lose the essence and sense of self. The goal is to be accepted by the people who are important to us, beings capable of appreciating everything we are, with our peculiarities, magnificence and even insecurities.
Some moments in our lives seem contradictory when we walk away from one scene where everyone seems excited about the same music while being inspired by another. Maybe we are like those amazing trees, Jacarandas, which bloom in a shade of purple, while the rest of the world blooms only in green.
What if I’m having a hard time because I feel like I don’t fit into society? The most problematic aspect of all this is that we discussed suffering, which is quite easy to date. Because the feeling of non-integration is often born in childhood.
So much so that it is accepted that there is something wrong with us, that the “blooming” purple color, like the tree shown above, is bad. When, in truth, each of us has unique characteristics that differentiate us in the park from reality.
Bowen’s concept of vital forces
Dr. Murray Bowen proposed the idea of the life force theory in the 1950s by watching people grow emotionally and naturally.
Bowen highlighted something very useful in his approach. According to his theory, in man there are simultaneously two basic and opposite vital forces.
The first is a very strong growth force that leads us to individualism, where we can establish ourselves apart from our family, friends, society, etc.
The second is a great force that makes us seek and demand emotional intimacy.
According to his theory, most of us regularly live in this often unpleasant duality. We feel very different because our sense of self tends to stand out from the crowd. However, we want to integrate, to be part of the dynamics in which others move.
The “stigma” of being out of place
When I feel like I don’t belong, I can’t blame myself. Sometimes I can come to a conclusion thinking that the world itself is meaningless.
According to a study conducted at the University of Michigan by two doctors, Dr. Gregory Walton and Dr. Jeffrey M. Cohen, people suffering from “stigmatization” of exclusion, who are constantly worried about the “uncertainty of belonging”, experience a decrease in motivation, academic and professional performance and are more likely to suffer from some kind of psychological disorder.
What Can I Do?
This concept of “I don’t feel like I fit into society” is often ingrained in the family. Our school education and the dynamics derived from these microscenes give us a feeling of “abnormality” at a very young age. For example, we are abnormal in the eyes of our parents because we are not as smart as our brother.
So we became more rebellious because our interests, tastes and passions do not coincide with the family project. As a result, we can wear this badge for years, reducing our social skills, self-esteem and identity. As a result, it is useful to reflect on these thoughts in order to strengthen these dimensions and strengthen our sense of belonging.
Define your personality
One of the most intriguing contributions that Carl Jung left us is his idea of individuation. According to this approach, one of our most important responsibilities is the following: to awaken our potential, our awareness, to overcome our fears and our resistance and to present ourselves to the world as we are, with confidence and happiness.
It is very important to realize that it is very preferable and useful to “align with oneself” before “wanting to align with others”. We need to encourage self-acceptance, which includes recognizing who we are and what we desire.
Any Rejection Hurts
At some point, we have all tried to stack mosaic pieces into a puzzle. We quickly found out that the use of force is useless. Not when the shapes don’t match, not when the holes don’t match the edges.
We must recognize that, in truth, life is about flowing, not about adapting. We will suffer if we try to achieve it by force, and we may even give up a part of our identity to end up in the wrong puzzle.
We have to understand that there will be people, places and groups with whom we will be able to connect and others with whom we simply will not be able. In addition, in our quest to find a sense of belonging to someone, we can try a thousand different things until we find our perfect environment.
Your “Tribe” Will Come To You
It’s okay if we walk a little alone. We will value each other on this journey. When we follow the rhythm of a particular passion or instinct, sometimes we end up finding our own “tribe”; a place where everything is in harmony, where we are loved and appreciated for every detail, for every unique corner.
In conclusion, if I feel that I don’t fit into society, the first thing we can do is reduce that anxiety. Managing anxieties, eliminating insecurities and strengthening our own sense of self-worth helps us to be more successful.