I am an avid lifestyle lover. I believe that with a small number of positive lifestyle changes, we can improve our quality of life and health.
how the intervention helped my friend in a toxic relationship
Briana Tozur
We share everything with our close friends, but it is necessary to observe certain healthy boundaries, especially with regard to their personal life. There is a certain line that cannot be crossed unless it is absolutely important.
My friend Rita, usually a happy person, became sad and was always immersed in her thoughts. He rarely had a smile on his face. We have been close friends since school days and shared everything with each other. He hadn’t been talking much lately and was often unavailable. I was starting to worry about her.
I knew I had relationship problems that I didn’t want to discuss with anyone. He took a defensive stance when I asked him about them. She said she could figure it out on her own and that she didn’t want to upset anyone. It hurt me to see my best friend go through this. It was then that I came up with the idea of intervention.
Healthy relationships will never require you to sacrifice your friends, your dream, or your dignity.
– Mandy Hale
What is a toxic relationship?
Toxic relationships in which there are constant conflicts, jealousy and competition. They do not support each other, but try to undermine or harm each other. This term was first introduced by Dr. J. Lillian Glass in her 1995 book Toxic People. Dr. Glass is a California specialist in communication and psychology.
Characteristics of toxic relationships
No relationship is perfect, and the ups and downs in a relationship are normal. But when there is constant discomfort and when the negative aspects far outweigh the positive ones, it is classified as a toxic relationship. Such relationships are mental, emotional, and sometimes even physically harmful to one or both parties, according to Dr. J. Kristen Fuller, a renowned mental health specialist from California. Relationships often lack trust, lies, and controlling behavior.
What are the red flags in a relationship?
Dating psychologist Madeleine Mason Rotri defines a red flag as “something a couple does that indicates a lack of respect, honesty, or interest in a relationship.”
Jill Weber, a clinical psychologist from Washington, are:
Lack of communication
Lack of trust
Controller Behavior
Abusive behavior
Want different things
Inability to be yourself
Friends and family disapprove
Possessiveness, jealousy and short temper
In my friend’s case, all the parameters seemed to match. I felt that intervention was needed to save her from the negativity of a toxic relationship. When I asked him about all the red flags, he confirmed my concerns.
Keep reading to find out how I helped her.
It’s important to be Direct
I thought there was no point beating around the bush when I knew my friend was going through something difficult. I immediately told her that I needed to talk to her about something related to her life. At first he was surprised and started saying that everything was fine and everything was fine. I assured her that I didn’t want to interfere, but felt the need to help her by just talking to her about it. I intended to give him some advice or lecture him about anything. I assured him that it was just a friendly conversation.
Stick to the point
I decided to be precise and punctual. A long conversation with the pros and cons will not solve the problem. Someone who is upset can only assimilate a certain amount of information at a time, especially negative. I told him about my main problem on this issue and gave him time to respond. When his answer was positive, I continued the conversation.
Be a good listener
I knew that the first and main rule of intervention is not to be aggressive, but rather understanding. I realized that being aggressive would only push her away. The best thing I did was to listen patiently to her story. I didn’t impose my beliefs on her, but rather shared experiences from my own life.
I made him understand how, because I didn’t ignore the red flags in my past relationships, I was able to get out before things got really bad. I let her naturally come to her own realization and never suggested that she break up with her partner. I assured her that I would always be there for her, no matter the situation.
Stay away from people who treat you as if your time doesn’t matter, as if your feelings are useless or as if your soul is replaceable
– S. McNutt
Boost Your Image and Self-Esteem
My friend’s morale was low due to relationship issues. Constant negativity and frequent quarrels undermined his confidence. I tried to cheer him up by stimulating his ego, reminding him of all his achievements. I comforted her by telling her that this is just a stage that will eventually pass.
Constant criticism and accusation can seriously affect a person’s self-esteem. I tried my best to boost his self-esteem. I encouraged her to be self-confident and reminded her that no matter what anyone thinks or feels about her, she should always know what she is worth and not believe the opinions of others about her.
Patiently listen to his reaction
At first she tried to ignore it completely. I realized that she was in denial, and she was very uncomfortable. She kept saying she wouldn’t understand, so so be it. The main thing is not to judge or react to your friend’s response.
I was patient and listened to her, giving valuable information when needed. I did not condemn or criticize the situation. I advised her to read books and watch films on this topic so that she could see the similarity with her situation. I advised her that the psychological trauma she had suffered could affect her physical and mental health.
If It Doesn’t Work The First Time, Try Again Later
When I first talked to her, it seemed to me that I was not communicating with my friend. But I wasn’t worried. I gave him some time to heal and tried to talk about it again a few days later. The second and third conversations are usually more important than the first.
I checked on her regularly to make sure she didn’t develop depression. I knew she would give in and tell me everything and start sharing relevant information. Whatever was going on, I didn’t force her to reveal more information than she was comfortable sharing. When she saw in me someone she could rely on, she began to trust me and share her problems with me. The most important aspect of intervention is not to judge your friend. Don’t approach them aggressively. If you do, they may not want to talk.
I was able to convince her to consult with a consultant, because only a professional can be truly impartial and unbiased and help find solutions to such problems. I am glad that my intervention helped my friend and that she was able to make a decision.
It’s better to be healthy alone than to be sick with someone else.
– Dr. Phil.
Is it Possible to Fix or Fix a Toxic Relationship?
Toxic relationships can be restored, but only when each couple is interested in making them healthy. Here are some tips for restoring a toxic relationship:
The relationship must be mutually beneficial so that they remain healthy.
Both parties should be prepared to see a therapist or counselor.
Partners should be ready to forget the past and start a healthy relationship anew.
Each of them should show compassion to each other and always support each other.
Others should be given enough space to heal themselves and grow mentally, emotionally and physically.
Good communication is the key to a healthy relationship, and it should be practiced.
Both sides should work to restore trust in each other.
It helps to be honest with each other and discuss each other’s expectations.
Everyone should keep up with their interests and hobbies without infringing on the interests of the other.
Both parties should fervently follow the advice given by the therapist. A professional with knowledge in this field can offer new solutions by analyzing the problems faced by the couple.
Final Thoughts
Relationships are classified as toxic when there is no trust, controlling behavior and frequent lies. They often involve one partner who dominates and humiliates the other by refusing to work on the relationship. Toxic relationships can be cured only when partners are willing to correct their behavior and make efforts to make it work.
If you are allowed to continue, there is a chance that the relationship will become unhealthy and abusive. When there is violence of any kind, physical, emotional or sexual, and when a partner is forced to lead a life devoid of human dignity, this is called an abusive relationship.
A person should recognize red flags from the very beginning and seek intervention. They have to decide whether to continue the relationship or end it. Abuses of any kind should never be tolerated. A person in an abusive relationship should seek help immediately.